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Hansel & Gretel Witch Hunters Full Movie
Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters – review
T hese are dark days. The Oscars are over, and now morale doesn't get any lower, as the very worst films are dumped ignominiously into cinemas like a vanload of cook-chill equine lasagnes delivered to schools and hospitals. This movie is a case in point. It's a film which is so demeaningly bad, so utterly without merit, that there is a kind of purity in its awfulness. There is a Zen mastery in producing a film which nullifies the concept of pleasure. The idea is that Hansel and Gretel, having evaded a horrible fate as children in the witch's candy cottage in the woods, are now all grown up, and they have become super-cool kick-ass witch hunters — in a weirdly regressive sibling partnership — roaming the vaguely Germanic countryside armed with steampunky shotguns for the purposes of blasting witches with maximum violence. They are played with very little discernible talent by Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton.
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Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton play siblings Hansel and Gretel, who, as in the old fairy tale, were abandoned in the woods as children, encountered a candy house, were captured by a witch who wanted to eat them, and escaped by shoving her into her own fire. They grew up glowery, leather-clad, and laden down with fancy anachronistic guns, which look odd amid a Middle Ages setting where the second-highest level of technology appears to be sticks stuck together with mud. When a group of witches starts kidnapping children, Renner and Arterton are hired to hunt them down and return the kids, which they essentially do by plodding to any point in the forest where a local points them, and having a big battle that inevitably involves all of the combatants bouncing off or smashing through a few trees before picking themselves up to try again. Throughout the film, the pattern repeats: A character artlessly tosses out a bare minimum of exposition, the leads troop to a new spot, and a battle commences, with a lot of hissing and gesticulating from the latest woman in crackle-faced monster makeup, and an occasional extra going down in a quick explosion of gore. Nor does the film give him time to explore or ponder any of this.