Beowulf a new telling audiobook
Beowulf by Unknown*bum bum* IN A WORLD . . . *bum bum* . . . FULL OF NASTY MONSTERS . . . *bum bum* . . . WHO EAT PEOPLE AND BREAK INTO CASTLES . . . *bum bum* . . . THE BEASTLY GRENDEL LURKED LONG OVER THE MOORES . . . *bum bum* . . . BUT NOW . . . *Cut to scene of monster ripping someones face off with his teeth*
(silence. black screen.)
*Unknown warriors approaching*
Who are ye, then, ye armed men,
mailed folk, that yon mighty vessel
have urged thus over the ocean ways,
here oer the waters?
*bum bum* . . . ONE MAN . . . *bum bum* . . . ONE LARGE MAN . . .*bum bum* . . . OF NOBLE BIRTH AND LONG, LONG SWORD . . . *bum bum* . . . IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN SAVE THEM.
Hither have fared to thee far-come men
oer the paths of ocean, people of Geatland;
and the stateliest there by his sturdy band
is Beowulf named. This boon they seek,
that they, my master, may with thee
have speech at will: nor spurn their prayer
to give them hearing, gracious Hrothgar!
In weeds of the warrior worthy they,
methinks, of our liking; their leader most surely,
a hero that hither his henchmen has led.
*cue symphony: BUM-BUM-BUUUUMMMMM! BUM-BUM-BUUUUMMMMM*
To Hrothgar I
in greatness of soul would succor bring,
so the Wise-and-Brave may worst his foes, --
if ever the end of ills is fated,
of cruel contest, if cure shall follow,
and the boiling care-waves cooler grow;
else ever afterward anguish-days
he shall suffer in sorrow while stands in place
high on its hill that house unpeered!
*Everyone looks around at each other, wondering what the fuck hes talking about*
*Exciting symphony, something along the lines of O Fortuna. combat shown as Beowulf tosses Grendel down, gets Grendel in a headlock, pokes him in his eyes. Beowulf takes his shoe off and starts hitting Grendel on the top of his head with it.*
*Music stops. Shot of Beowulf on the shore, hand on his hilt.*
Tis time that I fare from you. Father Almighty
in grace and mercy guard you well,
safe in your seekings. Seaward I go,
gainst hostile warriors hold my watch.
BEOWULF. PG-13, Parents Strongly Cautioned. Contains Monsters Biting Peoples Faces Off, Graphic Far-Fetched Violence, and Shots of Beowulfs Bare Chest.
Beowulf is totally the precursor to Conan, and Rambo. Hes mothafuckin badass. And you know how, since the Rambo movies are so old, they come out in boxed sets now? Think of this slim volume as a trilogy:
BEOWULF II: MOMMY DEAREST
BEOWULF III: BEOWULF VERSUS A BIG-ASS DRAGON
While often trilogies get worse as they go along, this one actually improves. And its safe to say that a fourth sequel will never come out about Beowulf after he gets old and out of shape. . . although that might be what BEOWULF VERSUS A BIG-ASS DRAGON is.
If you like football, Stallone, Escape From New York, and cant get enough of Arnold Schwarzenegger, this is THE classic for you.
Beowulf (Free Audio Book)
Sign up for LibraryThing to find out whether you'll like this book. On the positive side, it is a very readable retelling of the epic poem Beowulf. The story of Beowulf is one of those things that everyone should be familiar with since Beowulf and Grendel are mentioned so often in other books. However, I found this an odd choice for required reading. As an epic poem the plot wanders a bit and the story is all plot. The characters are one dimensional and the conflict seems pretty simple - good vs.
Learn more Enter your mobile number or email address below and we' ll send you a link to download the free Kindle App. Get an answer for ' Give me a short summary of the epic poem Beowulf? Beowulf then hands over most of his treasure to Hygelac, who, in turn, rewards him. A great story to be listened to, this audio book is well read by Tad E. This adaptation of an Old English epic describes the feats of the warrior Beowulf, who arrives in the great hall of Heorot to defeat a bloodthirsty monster.
Beowulf is an Old-English epic poem telling the tale of the Scandinavian hero, Beowulf and his battles with monstrous creatures such as the savage Grendel. While the tale of Beowulf is set in Scandinavia the epic poem was written in England somewhere between the 8th and 11th centuries. Unfortunately, any details about its original author are a mystery. Many scholars believe that due to the themes of the poem it is most likely that it was penned sometime during the 8th century as the tale refers to Anglo-Saxon Paganism and makes no reference to modern Christianity. The epic poem has long been an inspiration for writers as it is one of the earliest tales of heroes in history.