How to deal with being the scapegoat in the family

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how to deal with being the scapegoat in the family

The Brave Little Soul by John Alessi

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Published 20.10.2019

Scapegoat & Golden Child - How and why narcissists assign these roles (and not just in the family!)

Read our 5 Steps To Stop Being The Family Scapegoat! the family's woes so that the people who really are responsible don't have to deal.
John Alessi

Toxic Families Who Scapegoat

How would you know? Do you find yourself on the defensive a lot? Do you hear stories, first or second hand, from various members of the family about your bad behavior? Stories that are very old, or not true or at best, exaggerated? Or maybe they are partially true but important bits of information are left out? No matter what my friend did it was the wrong thing.

Scapegoat is a term used since ancient times to describe the person who carries responsibility for the faults of a group. Scapegoats are often naturally sensitive and may have low self-esteem—traits that keep them stuck in the scapegoat role. Start by addressing any guilt you feel. Then, work to improve your self-worth. Finally, take measures to build stronger, less toxic relationships.

Or the odd man out. The child who marched to the beat of her own drummer. Whatever you want to call it, I was it. This was, of course, all by design. In a dysfunctional family, they call this person the scapegoat — the one made to bear the blame for others or to suffer in their place.

Call the Helpline Toll-FREE

The dysfunctional family is projecting their own shortcomings and shame onto you and you have been brainwashed in a Macabre dance to enact their projections. You maybe asking why is the whole family against me? It must be me. These dysfunctional families follow certain exact energetic patterns. In fact you have been following the energetic pattern as well by taking up the role of the scapegoat. There is usually one majorly personality disordered individual in a Dominant role within the narcissistic family, who is the source of the scapegoating behavior and the rest of the family are drawn into the downward swirl just like the spiral of water drawn down a plug hole. The other family members may take on roles such as the enabler, clown, Hero, Lost child as they stick to the main narcissist like glue.

Sometimes both parents are narcissistic. In my family, my father was the overt Narcissist Personality Disorder NPD type, and my mother enabled his abuse while also having her own covert narcissistic traits mixed with a higher order of being that sometimes allowed her to give affection, attention, and generosity. It is painful, confusing, maddening, and it frequently carries with it emotional and physiological damage that lasts a lifetime. But family scapegoats also have both innate and learned power. They are not chosen at random. Rather, they are typically targeted because of their strengths.


  1. Laurene L. says:

    How Our Helpline Works

  2. Olivie D. says:

    We tend to think of bullying as something that happens in the school yard amongst kids who are being mean and abusive to one another.

  3. Gabriel S. says:

    5 Steps to Breaking Free From Being the Family Scapegoat | Recovery Warriors

  4. Marina S. says:

    "The truth is, you will succeed, you can do it and you are good enough."

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